Food for Thought..

You are constructing your own reality with the choices you make...or don't make. If you really want a healthy pregnancy and joyful birth, and you truly understand that you are the one in control, then you must examine what you have or haven't done so far to create the outcome you want.
-Kim Wildner-Mother's Intention: How Belief Shapes Birth

Friday, September 24, 2010

Lets talk about PPD

Afternoon Readers, I have been thinking alot about PPD lately.. With my first baby I had it.. It was awful and pretty much all the things on this list below are things that were said to me by friends, family and even the occasional stupid stranger.. Postpartum Depression is something that is a serious problem, it's not something that is "just in your head" its a very real thing.. And no not everyone has the "murder my family" type, but the sadness, lonely, not feeling supported where its needed.. THAT is whats ignored.. I kept everything to myself, I didn't like talking about it to anyone, my husband was in Iraq, and I was in all these situations I didn't want to be in.. I felt completely alone..
Ladies, do what you need too, to find help! Being miserable is not "part of motherhood"I am now expecting my next baby.. And the memories of that first year are flooding back in waves of nightmares, I've thought long and hard about how things will go once baby gets here.. And people aren't going to like it, but this time I just don't care! I tried to please people, I "didn't know what I was doing" as a new mom, its something you SO don't need to hear.. Well now I'm a veteran mom! I've gone to school, attended countless births and helped moms during their PP time, and being a Doula I am ready to put all those things to work for myself!! You just need to take the stand! Talk to those who are supportive, whether its a family member, close friend, whoever, but make the choices of your support team, and know your not alone in this.. And don't let anyone tell you, your feelings aren't valid!
The list of 25 things is from the blogher site, and I felt I should share it..
Please, share this knowledge with the moms you know, and anyone else who may not know how or what to say to moms going through this.. Even if you don't know if a mom is suffering from PPD you still should know how to handle it.

"I can't emphasize enough how much trauma that adds to an already miserable situation, and how it can slow or even block recovery.

I think it's important to let people know what not to say, so I'm combining the input from my readers to give you the 25 things you should NEVER say to someone with or at risk of getting postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, postpartum OCD, postpartum psychosis or the antenatal (during pregnancy) version of any of these:

1. Just [go for a walk/go out with your friends/have a drink/take a vitamin/go shopping/go back on the pill] and you'll feel all better.

2. Women have been having babies for tens of thousands of years, and they got through new motherhood just fine. Toughen up.

3. Yeah, I had a few bad days there after my baby was born. I know what you're going through. Or ... I just finished my [album/thesis/marathon/political campaign]. I know how you feel.

4. Maybe postpartum depression is God's way of letting you know you don't have enough faith. I think you should pray harder.

5. Stop making this about you. This is about the baby. You should be thinking about him/her rather than yourself.

6. Quitting breastfeeding is selfish. The baby's health is so much more important than yours.

7. I know breastfeeding is really important to you, but you have to quit so you can be treated for PPD.

8. This is the exact medication and dosage I took for my PPD. Just take that and you'll be OK.

9. I would never take antidepressants. You shouldn't need that stuff to be a mother.

10. You're just mad the baby is getting all the attention.

11. PPD is just a fad. Only spoiled, Western women get it, and now that it's "popular" on the blogs, everyone is jumping on the bandwagon.

12. Can't you see how lucky you are? You have a beautiful baby! You should be grateful.

13. This will probably go away on it's own, so don't worry about it.

14. I wouldn't talk about this with anyone. You don't want them to think you're crazy.

15. You don't need to worry about your symptoms unless you're having thoughts of harming your baby.

16. You're just using postpartum depression as an excuse to get out of the hard work of being a mom.

17. Once you go back to work you'll probably feel fine.

18. Why can't you just talk yourself out of this? I don't think you're trying hard enough.

19. Do we need to take your child away from you?

20. If you would just try _______ (fill in the blank) parenting style I think everything would be okay.

21. You have [a supportive partner/wonderful home/great family/good job/food on the table/healthy baby]. You should be happy.

22. All of this crying is bad for your baby, you know.

23. We all have days where we don't want to get out of bed.

24. Did you think motherhood was going to be easy? What did you expect?

25. Postpartum depression isn't real.

Women who have perinatal mood and anxiety disorders didn't do anything to cause them, and require medical help to recover from them. They deserve nothing but patience, love and support. Period.

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