Angels Among Us

Hello Readers, once again, its been a long time, running three blogs, one will eventually get neglected.. 

My last post, I shared I was expecting.. Sadly, at 13weeks pregnant, I found out our baby had died. I went about a week after finding out before my body went into labor. I delivered her in our home after 3 hours of hard labor, I couldn't believe that I had to go through that and not have a reward afterwards.. We had a funeral two days later.. We aren't sure what happened, two theories are that it was the placenta, beginning to deteriorate or a chromosome deficiency. But we'll never know.. We knew it was a girl, and as my husband and I held her afterwards the resounding knowledge came to us.. 

Hanna Daveney J.  was born at 8:01pm on June 23, 2012

My Sweet baby girl, I hope heaven is everything I imagine it is.. I wish you could have stayed with us, and not left.. But you had to go.. My heart is in pieces, but I'm staying strong.. People don't understand, so I won't be the weak one.. My whole body aches for you, I will not get to have the joys of parenthood in this life with you.. I will never see you learn to walk, or talk, Your first tooth, how you are with your older siblings.. Would you have had brown hair like your sister or blonde like your brother? Would you have green eyes or brown? Would you be quiet or crazy? I have a million questions and no answers.. I dreamt a thousand dreams of what having you would be life, a third baby, a miracle in your own right. I hope one day I'll be able to have my answers, and I hope to find the purpose behind this. Loosing you has been the hardest thing our family has ever gone through.. I never thought I'd have to feel this kind of pain.. Hold your little body in my hands and feel my heart shatter..

I love you Hanna. ~love mommy.

For our precious angel we did a few special things.. She was buried in my hometown in Oregon, by my Grandma's home. For the Month of June, the tree is an Apple Tree (from june 1st- 23rd is apple, oddly 24th-30th is a Fig tree) So my Grandma bought a beautiful mature apple tree and we buried her beneath it.. As "Her Tree" also for June, a Pearl, and roses. We wrapped her in a white cloth, and we got pearl ear rings, and used one to pin the cloth together around her, and the other I am wearing. So its something physical to have.. And inside her tiny casket, we placed a rose, and a letter my husband and I wrote. With a family picture. We only had family present, it felt like a tiny bit of closer to bury her, but the pain is so very raw I really have nothing I can think about.. I am taking lots of herbs to help keep me happy, they work, I don't meltdown 50x's a day.. I just move through life.. 

But like they say, it can't rain forever... 

This was the poem my husband read at Hanna's funeral. 

Wow! I'm so behind on blogging... I'm technically taking a "break from technology" but really its just from Facebook:) And its naptime right now for my kids, so I don't feel bad!

Well, updates, We recently found out we are expecting our 3rd baby!! We are very excited and shocked! But it will be fun right? :)

I have a few guest bloggers that will be sharing their awesome talents on various subjects over the next few months! Hope you enjoy it! :D

One year Today!

(This photo is under copyright and is NOT to be used in anyway)

My baby will be a year old in a few hours... A year ago today, I told my husband we should head to bed, as I felt baby boy was going to make his entrance. And boy did he:)

He's so big, as I don't have a cord to upload a picture of him today, I will tomorrow.. He has green eyes, blonde curly locks and a smile that could warm the coldest soul. He is my love, my cherished one. I waited so long for him.. And my heart is full with a bittersweet memory, as I can't believe my baby is a year old.. *I* had a home water birth! We worked together to create the memory we have today! Amazing how the rush of oxytocin still fills me up a year later:) I love you baby boy, and am so grateful and blessed for you to be here with us...

To read my birth story head on over:http://birthybusiness.blogspot.com/2011/05/our-home-water-birth-of-our-son.html

Ob's so far behind, they think they're ahead..

Evening,

Ok, this blog post could go ON and ON, just so I can vent this topic.. But I'll keep it brief tonight.. I had a link filter through today that made me literally giggle and squirm in my seat..

"New Study Shows Normal Labor Takes More Time Than OBs Are Allowing For"

"Obstetricians have been trained to expect labor to progress faster than it actually does, which may be the reason for the high rate of inductions and c-section deliveries in the US according to a new report. The study published inObstetrics & Gynecology used information from over 62,000 normal, natural births and figured out the average labor time for dilation from 4 to 5 cm, 5 to 6 cm, and over 6 cm. Most cases of "failure to progress," which is the number one reason for inductions, occur during this part of the first stage of labor."

"The authors found that women who had given birth before progress much quicker once they reach the 6 cm mark than women who were giving birth for the first time. The progression from 4 to 5 cm and 5 to 6 cm went much slower for both groups of women than earlier studies have shown. The established obstetrics benchmark based on those earlier studies created an expectation for a much quicker progression through active labor than what this report found. The researchers also pointed out that spinal nerve anesthetics also may be delaying the second stage by 29%, with an average labor time of 3.6 hours with an epidural and 2.8 hours without it.

The authors proposed an updated model of labor progression for new moms based off their research. They feel that, if OBs were to follow their new model and allow labor to continue for longer in the lead up to the 6 cm mark, it may reduce the number of interventions, c-sections, and subsequent repeat cesarean deliveries in the US." (Emphasis added by me)

Here is the link the above was shared from: http://www.guerillahealthreport.com/post.php?id=442#.TvvqjZzM1k1.facebook

To read further on the matter;

http://journals.lww.com/greenjournal/Abstract/2010/12000/Contemporary_Patterns_of_Spontaneous_Labor_With.8.aspx

I just have to do a little dance here.. Because midwives, have been saying this forever! There are no time limits on birth, Labor isn't a textbook, and OB's are impatient(as are many moms-to-be). When I have heard women say; "I just wasn't progressing!" or "I reached X cm, and it just stopped" well, we can explain this.. That is NORMAL. Generally (some first time momma's more so) "plateau" so to speak, where there is a longer time between stages. 4-5, 6-7/8. Perhaps mom is still on her back, not moving around helping baby to drop down, the list is endless.. :) (and that will be a whole other blog, but its midnight and I have to get up early, so for time's sake, humor me)

Anyway, my whole point, is that with "modern medicine" the physicians, scientists; think they are so far ahead, that really they are behind.. Midwives(who have been around since the beginning of time) KNOW labor is not "by the books" nor are they/we clock watchers.

{as a general disclaimer I won't say that, sometimes intervention, is needed, just not abused} So here is the long way around to the end of this post, Labor is about mom and baby working together to reach a common goal. Not mom and baby and.. XYZ... Labor is work, hard work. As long as things are progressing well, heart tones are good, everyone is doing well, labor goes on, it can take a few moments to several days! IT'S LABOR! I get really erked when I hear about time schedules.. Induction/c-section dates.. Heaven forbid anyone let baby alone.. Babies are born when they are READY. (another study done recently, PROVING that babies DO decide, when babies lungs are mature they send off a hormone/signal informing mom's body to contract!) I'll post that link here when I filter through them all!

Healthy moms, Healthy babies, need to be left alone! They don't need to have their autonomy taken from them!

Glad "modern" medicine is catching up with the rest of us..

The reason's for the season!

Merry Christmas my readers, today's post is not directly birth/parenting or lifestyle related. But it is a gentle reminder, that the Holidays are for coming together, setting aside our differences and doing the best that we are able.. :) Happy Solstice, Merry Christmas, and a wonderful New year!

Mary's Birth Story

(I wrote this a year ago.. And filtered through my work on my new computer and found it:) I decided this year I would share it!)

Christmas December 25, 2010

Today is Christmas Day.. Presents have been opened, our little ones have toddled off to enjoy their new gifts and we’re left to clean up, and enjoy the day. I listened to a song today while cooking our Christmas dinner.. It was about the birth of Christ. I’ve never really thought much about the actual Birth before.. Its usually around the general nativity and Christ. But during this song, my mind wondered to Mary..

A young woman about to give birth to her first baby. Traveling (by donkey no less..) at the end of her pregnancy, knowing that birth was near.. What she must have been thinking.. So in honor of the season, I decided to create a Birth Story for Mary, (Being a Doula, birth stories are my specialty;) in a way I think her labor and birth would have gone..

It’s late in the day as Mary and Joseph arrived in Bethlehem. The sun has set and everywhere seems to be full! Mary starts to feel a rush of intense power deep within her.. She knows that the baby will be making his entrance into the world tonight.. She doesn’t worry Joseph about them yet, as they are not painful.. Just an interesting sensation.. Finally they find a place to sleep.. But sleep is not on the menu for tonight.. There is something new in the air. And even the animals in the manger, where they would be for the night, knew it..

Joseph prepared a place for Mary. Clean water, straw and swaddling. Mary remained calm and relaxed, she trusted her body to do what God had designed it to do.. She breathed in peace and exhaled the tension.. She moved around as she labored, did whatever felt good to her in the moment. When a rush overcame her she moved with it, feeling her baby moving down. Smiling.. Knowing her son would soon be in her arms.. Joseph remained nearby to support Mary in any way he could.. Holding her, dancing with her, whispering endearing things to her..

Soon the rushes are fast, and both Mary and Joseph know its close. Mary feels her baby in her womb as he moves inside her for the last time.. Joseph stands behind Mary and holding her up as she squats on the straw, Mary breathes slowly as her sweet baby slowly merges into our world. She reaches down and feels her sons head, gently rubbing him and speaking loving words.. She gently pants as her little ones head and body peacefully slips out and into her loving arms. Mary brings her son to her breast and he is wide eyed and beautiful..

Joseph gently helps Mary to get comfortable, brings her food and drink, as she nurses her newborn son..

I imagine this is probably what Christ’s birth was like.. No drama, no one standing between your legs screaming at you to push your baby out. Just peaceful, loving and calm.. When I’ve described blissful births to women they don’t always believe its possible.. But I’ve seen it. I’ve witnessed mothers birth their babies with a SMILE on their faces!! Laughing, and enjoying the miracle they are performing. God designed our bodies to create life, to bring them into the world in a warm and loving environment.

Mary was a woman. She had no special powers, she trusted God, herself, her body, her partner. She felt safe, supported and loved.. So, Christ was born in a lowly stable.. Babies have been born in cars, bathrooms and back porches.. But I’m pretty sure Mary didn’t complain about it.. Birth is a miracle no matter where it takes place..

What an awesome time of the year to enjoy family and friends, to watch our little ones squeal with delight that Santa brought them presents.. And to reflect on the gifts Christ gave to the world.. I’m honored to be apart of the noble art of Motherhood. As I draw near to the birth of my own son, I dwell on the knowledge within me.. Trusting in God, my body that he so perfectly designed, my baby, my husband and the rest of my support team. Remember that birth is a normal part of life.. Not something to be feared or numbed.. If you allow it, it can be the most enjoyable experience of your life. Feel that power in yourself and trust in it.

I hope the holidays bring you many wonderful, heartfelt moments. Merry Christmas and happy holidays..

~Happy Birthing!

The Calling

Oh Readers, I apologize for how long and inconsistant I've been, but SO much has been going on that I honestly couldn't tell you where it started! But I will be getting better now that time is slowing down and I HAVE to blog for business:)
Well, I officially "retired" as a Birth Doula, as of October of this year. Due to a lot of miscellaneous things, I knew I needed to. But something wonderful emerged from this ending, I got the 'push' I needed, I applied for midwifery college about a month ago!!!! Oh goodness, I was thrilled and nervous! And as of two days ago! I received my acceptance letter to college!! :D I am officially a Midwifery Student!! I am to the moon and back happy. Not only will I be serving women through the childbearing time, but also their well being, women's health, holistic healing, fertility, health and newborns! Oh be still my happy heart! So that is my new journey, and I'll be blogging about that now, throughout my midwifery student journey and random postings.. :)
This is from Midwifery Today's manager, she has it at the beginning of the New student guide, for when we order all our packets, thought I'd share:)

"The decision to become a midwife is one of the most important you will ever make, right up there with getting married or having a baby. Becoming a midwife will affect your life that much, become your very identity. Becoming a midwife isn’t just choosing a profession, it is answering a calling that has chosen you and will be you.

Be careful how and what you learn. You must learn to guard your heart and mind. Birth is about women and their families and involves so much more than medical knowledge. Find a program that nurtures you the way you want to nurture women. Interview harder than a pregnant woman looking for a midwife. Use your powers of discernment. While there are many good programs and teachers, some programs are as harsh as medical doctor training. Find a program that suits you and your learning style.

Midwifery is about loving relationships and will stretch you beyond what you had thought possible, mentally, spiritually and physically. I extend you a warm welcome to the calling of midwifery. It is among the highest.

love, jan
Mother of Midwifery Today"

I have been called, my friends. It has whispered to me since I was a child, I just didn't know it. I am overjoyed to be so blessed, that I get to do what I love, and Lord willing, everything will workout if this is what I'm truly meant to do. Thank you for reading, and joining me on this journey.

Blessings all.