Food for Thought..

You are constructing your own reality with the choices you make...or don't make. If you really want a healthy pregnancy and joyful birth, and you truly understand that you are the one in control, then you must examine what you have or haven't done so far to create the outcome you want.
-Kim Wildner-Mother's Intention: How Belief Shapes Birth

Monday, May 2, 2011

~Our Home-Water Birth of our Son~

I'm not even sure where to begin this amazing journey. It really starts just before the birth of my firstborn, which stings a bit to remember. In 2006 I eloped with the love of my life, we lived happily in Provo, UT. We found out we were pregnant with our first in the fall of that year.. My husband had known it was going to be a girl, and what her name would be before we even knew we were pregnant.. Sometime in the winter we had moved to WA state, my husband (who served in the United States Marine Corps) found out he would be deploying to Iraq around the time our baby was to be born. So as you can see, it was a very stressful time.
July 2, 2007 our precious firstborn child came into the world, at 1439 a beautiful baby girl, 7lbs 14oz 19 1/2 inches long. The experience wasn't what I had hoped for, or discussed with my CNM. As a hospital birth, Bonding wasn't established, they took her away all night, and nursing just failed.. I was in a downward spiral. At just two days old, my husband had to leave.. I was left alone, a new, single mom. With support pretty much non-existant. I went searching for something more. I researched everything I could get my hands on that involved pregnancy, childbirth and the postpartum time. I accidentally stumbled across Doula's. That is where my new road emerged.
During the first year of my daughters life, things took time.. My husband in a war zone, I moved into our own apartment when my daughter was 5months old, probably the best thing I could have done for us. I continued to research Doula's, and this new world I stumbled upon. As my daughter grew, we gained the bond that we so desperately needed. My husband came home just before her first birthday, (2008) and to our surprise I became pregnant (I was on BC) sadly, we lost that baby on my first mothers day.. The experience was very hard for me, but we decided to try for another baby, it felt right.. After several more miscarriages during those 2 years after he returned, life wasn't right for me.. I suffered from severe depression and anxiety. I gained an unhealthy amount of weight and no longer had a drive at life.. I had started schooling, to become a Doula, that was my own outlet, a small glimmer of hope that one day I might be able to experience the bliss I read about, studied, and witnessed at the births I was blessed to be apart of.
In 2009 my husband was once again preparing to deploy, my doula business was just taking off, we had just closed on our first home, but all was on hold again.. Afghanistan was my next painful experience.. But during that year I was determined to change things, I joined a gym, lost weight, felt great, worked hard at my Doula job. Took care of my daughter, our new home, and everything else that came my way.. In May 2010 my husband came home from Afghanistan, I felt a wonderful new chapter starting.. To our surprise, we became pregnant instantly! We found out in June we were expecting. I was terrified to loose this baby, but found faith.. We were thrilled, the "estimated due date" was March 15 2011. A wonderful pregnancy was mine to enjoy. I felt so blessed and honored to be carrying another child.

Through divine guidance we already knew it was a boy, and had been given a glimpse already at our future. His name; Peter Aragon. His first name, Peter. Came to me when we were 9 months pregnant with our daughter, 3 1/2 years before his birth, during our sealing. (We're LDS, and after a year we were able to be sealed for time and all eternity on our first year anniversary! And then 2 days later had our firstborn) I shared this knowledge with my husband and tucked it away in our memories for when that son came to us.. His middle name however, came after my husband returned from Afghanistan. We hadn't found out I was pregnant yet, but I felt strongly about it.. Carlos Aragon, whom our son is named for, was killed in Afghanistan in March of 2010. My husband was the last person with him, and it forever will affect our family. Without Aragon's sacrifice, my husband may not have come home, and our son would not have joined us.. So I'm forever grateful. An only saw it fit that our son be named in his honor. I don't believe it is a coincidence that we had a son, or that he was born in March, the same month, exactly a year later.. Heavenly Father really does work in mysterious ways..
After 3 years of schooling, Doula work, obsessed with everything birth and beyond. I was prepared. I knew my options. We decided to have a home water birth, the best way we felt it was for him to come earthside.. We hired a wonderful midwife, who stood behind us every step of the way. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I was so anxious to meet my son. I LOVED being pregnant, feeling him move, it was like magic to me. I never felt "done" in the way you hear so many women complain.. I became a bit nervuos though, I had horrible nightmares I couldn't control. But some how made it through. I read all of Ina May Gaskin's books, to read amazing positive home birth stories. (Ina May is one of my heros!)
Well before we knew it, March was here! I had 3 weeks of prodromal labor, constantly thinking, "this is it" but then only to figure out it wasn't! Well after all that, we all got in the truck one Satruday, (march 12) and went for a nice long bumpy drive on the farms.. Well let me tell you, that did something! The next morning I had lost my plug and had my bloody show! I knew it was going to be in the next few days! That night (march 13) my husband and I were watching a TV show, while I had mild contractions on the birth ball.. It was a bit late, maybe 10pm? and I felt we should turn it off and go to bed.. So we did. Around midnight I woke to some pretty powerful contractions. I was able to fall back to sleep till around 1ish. I labored peacefully in my bathroom for a while, not wanting to wake up Mark yet. Till I was sure this was it.. Soon they picked up in intensity and I knew.. I woke up Mark, and we started preparing for the birth of our son! I was doing pretty good using the sink as an anchor and squatting down during contractions. Mark was busy making calls to our birth team, getting my food/water, and setting up our bedroom/birth pool for the big event! He was amazing!
Our midwife showed up around 2am I think, I was excited! During the early/active labor stage I just went with the flow, joking with everyone, and enjoying the experience. It was so cool! It was just like having a get together, but the perk there was going to be a baby at the end!
The tub was finally filled up, we had white christmas lights hung around our window, (my bedroom is painted red, and the decor/bedset is red/black) very romantic setting!) candles lit, and all my affirmations taped up. Our birth photographer showed up and was a fly on the wall, silent and did a beautiful job!
Our daughter was sound asleep in her bed, as well as both dogs. It was perfect.
My labor picked up and I was in the zone, only thing that shocked me was Peter turned from anterior to posterior half way through. Causing intense back labor.. That part was powerful. The normal contractions where easy, no problem, its just the back ones took alot of my attention to stay grounded.. And with the amazing hands of my husband and midwife it was managed. I roared my baby earthside. I loved being in the birth tub, it helped melt the rushes. My husband, my amazing love, was there through it all. He jumped in the tub to hold me, he spoke encouragment, love and support. I'm so very grateful for his strength, and how much he helped me.
I labored through the night, a few hours before I began pushing Mark and I got out of the tub and got to have several rushes alone, he helped me to relax and we got back into the tub for the big finale!
It was around 7am, my daughter woke up and came into join us! She thought it was really cool! (I'm 4 weeks postpartum now, and she is always pretending to have a baby, or nursing! I just love it! :)
I was on all fours in the birth tub, Mark behind me squeezing my hips to help my back labor, I felt my son's head.. He was there! In that moment I was smiling ear to ear! Years of waiting, the pain of seeing everyone have their babies, it was finally my turn! But even more, I was birthing him how I wanted, in my home, safe, sound and protected.
I could feel the soft hair of my son, his head finally coming earthside! I don't even know what words to best describe this. The feelings I had, thoughts, it was amazing! Being in my own home, my space, no annoying medical staff, no yelling or rushing.. It was normal, peaceful. My birth was not a medical procedure, I wasn't another patient being timed or pushed into unnecessary interventions. Everyone present did what *I* wanted, an amazing primal insinct took over, I felt empowered not only of my own great and marvelous work but by the millions of women before me who had given birth the way God intended. I was connected to them, I wasn't alone, and I had the strength to do it. I can't deny that God was present, I honestly believe he is present at every birth. There is a veil our babies pass through to enter our world and God willing at the end of a long life, pass again through it. As I felt my perfect baby, perfectly moving through my body, I breathed him into being..It was pure ecstasy! I've been asked if I'd label this experience as Orgasmic, ((if you haven't watched that documentary I HIGHLY recommend it!)) and I have to say.. It was! It was an Orgasmic Birth, pure and awesome. My precious baby boy, came peacefully into his daddy's hands. Mark then passed him (baby was still under the water) between my legs and into my arms, I lifted him out of the water and onto my chest. The amazing feelings that exploded I can't bring all into words. But it was my piece of heaven! Our son, Peter Aragon Jensen, came earthside, safely into his parents hands at 0745 am on March 14th, 2011. Weighing 8lbs 14oz, 22 inches long!! (no tears, none with my daughter either) A lovely full head of brown hair! Our daughter then stripped down to her underwear and jumped in the birth tub with us! Our little family, together! I felt amazing! Exhausted, but empowered! I did it, *I* did it! After all the waiting, the research, the schooling, the ache.. I carried, birthed and now nurse my son! My baby.. He healed my soul. Bringing about this amazing new start for our family, renewing my faith and showing me how much my heart can love.

Staring at my little one now, as he nurses, smiling at me.. I've been truly blessed.
This birth re-birthed me into a new woman, I became a mother when my daughter was born, but birthing my son, I DID IT! I did what I was made to do. What God designed me to do. All I can do is smile, an go into a pure state of ecstasy to remember the most wonderous experience that took place right here in my home.

~All because two people fell in love~


sharon said...

Awesome! Way to go Bri and family!The pictures are fabulous. Thanks for coming to Utah so I could meet him. Love you guys.

Brittany said...

Congratulations again, Brianna! What a beautiful birth! Thank you so much for sharing it.

Tyler, Alexis, Karielle and Jillian said...

What an amazing story! I'm glad that everything was so perfect. I miss you guys. I didn't know that about Peter's middle name but I choked up when I read that. Can't wait to see you guys again. Love you.